


Liar

by orphan_account



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Pennywise (IT), Angst, Aromantic Asexual Mike Hanlon, Ben can be straight, Best friends to lovers slow burn, Bev is a godess, Bisexual Beverly Marsh, Bisexual Bill Denbrough, Bullying, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak is a Little Shit, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Everyone Is Gay, Everyone Ships Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, F/F, F/M, Gay Eddie Kasbrak, Gay Richie Tozier, Happy Ending, Hate Crime, Henry Bowers Being an Asshole, Homophobic Language, I promise, Internalized Acephobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mike Hanlon/happiness - Freeform, Minor Connor Bowers/Richie Tozier, Non-Binary Stanley Uris, Other, Pansexual Stanley Uris, Penny?, Period Typical Bigotry, Period-Typical Homophobia, Period-Typical Sexism, Richie Tozier Deserves Nice Things, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Richie Tozier's Internalized Homophobia, Richie will be happy soon, Sad Gay Richie Tozier, Slow Burn, Sonia Kaspbrak's A+ Parenting, Stan and Eddie bond over hating Richie, Stanley Uris is So Done, They are still kids, We dont know her, angst with happy ending, but hes a dumbass, but i feel bad for him because we all know he wanted to keep playing street fighter, but i thought id remind you, but it gets better, but its adressed and not brushed over, but only ben, dw there will be closure, i fucking hate connor bowers, i just hate Sonia Kasbrak, im so sorry about that, the beginning is dramatic, there will be trigger warnings, they are all sad, they are sophomores, we all know that
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-14 22:42:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28803009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Just a coming of age Reddie fic lmao. It's going to be super long and slow burn, and It takes place when they are sophomores so there definitely wont be any smut. Some of the things that happen in chapter 1 are going to be included, even though I know they are younger when those events happen. But Pennywise does not exist so most of that movie didn't take place in this yet. I wouldn't recommended the first few chapters if your triggered by h*mophobia or violence, but I promise this isn't going to be centered around souley being gay or on h*mophobia. However, they are queer in the 80s and 90s so its hard not to include, especially with its role in the movies.
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Beverly Marsh/Original Female Character(s), Bill Denbrough/Mike Hanlon/Ben Hanscom/Eddie Kaspbrak/Beverly Marsh/Richie Tozier/Stanley Uris, Bill Denbrough/Stanley Uris, Connor Bowers/Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak & Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Kudos: 6





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> TW: Use of multiple h*mophobic slurs, internalized h*mophobia, and abuse. The word pussy is also used in a derogatory and misogynistic way, just as an insult in a fight. I promise their outdated language will be addressed and they will unlearn it. I'm so sorry for what happens. If you want a summary of what happens in this chapter so you don't need to read it, you can always say it in the comments and I will give you one as soon as I get it <3

It wasn't the way everyone had turned to stare at them. How their prying eyes wouldn't leave his face. Nor was it the way Henry had paused, the glint in his eye seeming to die for just a moment, before it happened. It wasn't even the fact that the most disgusting, unnatural things the people in the arcade could possibly think of him, were true. No, it wasn’t how he had ran the other direction, tail between his legs, like a coward. Like the words they said he was. Those things hurt, but they weren’t IT. 

IT was before. Before the arcade, before the words. IT was their hands, brushing when nobody was around to see. IT was their nights together, sneaking away when they both knew nobody cared enough to look for them. IT was the way they laughed until they hurt, because if they didn’t they would probably cry. IT was the faint trail of stars that had, somehow, managed to appear as freckles across his face. IT was the fleeting glances, the way they had looked at eachother, the way that they both knew why. IT was how it was before, how _he_ was before. And how quickly those nights had gone. How Conner had always been IT, but never let it show. Not until Richie was the one who dealt with the consequences. Who had to feel what IT was, who could hurt so fucking much, from something that was no longer laughter. The only thing he knew Conner hadn’t changed, was that if he did run away like they had done every night, nobody would care enough to come looking for him.

“Rich?” He froze, not daring to turn around. 

Of course he knew that voice. “Eds!” Richie quickly wiped his eyes in such on his sleeve, remembering he was supposed to be mad at his friends. “The fuck are you doing here?” Eddie came around the other side of the park bench to sit beside him.

“This is a public space, jackass.” He snapped, but his eyes were soft. They flicked over Richie's features, and his eyebrow furrowed. “Where the fuck are your glasses?”

Richie felt sick. “Oh sorry, must have lost track of them when your mom and I-”

“Nevermind, I don't wanna hear it.” Eddie, so clearly annoyed, snatched up Richie’s black rimmed glasses from the bench and pushed them gently onto Richie’s face, so casually it made him double back. He didn’t really feel sick anymore.

“What are you-”

“Ugh, that's fucking disgusting. You know, you really need to buy a case for those if you're going to take them off like that, that's so unsanitary.” Richie sighed and readjusted his glasses, prepared for what came next. “My mom told me about this guy somewhere in the south, and he just rested his classes down on top of this toilet paper dispenser in a Porta-potty and his Cornea got super infected, and-”

“Really? That's weird, your mom told me about that too!” Richie exclaimed. 

“Shut the fuck up, I’m trying to talk. Your fucking lying anyways, when would my mom have-”

“No, she really did! Last night, while we were-”

“Fuck you!” Eddie, slapped his hand over his mouth as he said the words, eyes wide in regret.

“Dude, I’m gonna be your stepdad soon. Thats like, incest.” Eddie scowled.

“Beep beep Richie.”

“Beep beep Eddie.” Richie said, and shoved him a little,

“Nope, it doesn’t work that way. Only Richie.” Richie shoved him again as a response, until Eddie gave in and pushed him back, much harder though, and they ended up in a ball of fists and laughs in the grass. 

“Get the-” Eddie was yelling, but he didn’t sound as angry as he usually did, “-fuck off me-”

“Wow, what a coincidence.” Richie gasped through laughs, “both of the Kaspbraks have said that to me in one day!”

“You're so fucking immature! That's not even that funny. ” Eddie actually giggled, like he was some sort of a small child. 

Richie was standing over him triumphantly. “Admit it, I beat you.” Eddie shook his head frantically, as he scrambled across the grass to try and get away from the other boy, taking heavy breaths. Richie carelessly thumbed the spare inhaler he kept in his pocket. 

“Fine asshole, now can we just be friends again.” He scowled at Richie, who looked taken aback. He didn’t expect to talk about this, just assumed it would automatically go back to how it was before the Losers had their fight. At least just with Eddie.

“Sure, Spaghetti. Only because you're so cute.” 

“Fuck off. I told you not to call me that.” Richie couldn’t think of a snide comment to do with Sonia Kaspbrak, so he just returned to the bench and pushed his glasses up a little bit, grinning hugely at Eddie, who was muttering about Cornea infections from the grass.

His grin dropped immediately.

Because, his filthy mullet shining under the sun, was the one and only Henry Bowers. He was hopping down from his car and onto the pavement, looking as greasy as usual. Being with Eddie had helped him forget about Conner, about IT, for a moment. But of course, it hadn’t lasted long. _Fuck._ Richie panicked, to say the least. 

“Eds,” he said as casually as possible, “I gotta go, my mom wants me to, um,” He looked down at Eddie, searching his eyes as if an excuse was hidden there. “Watch my little cousin. Sorry.” He rubbed his eyes quickly, just in case there were tears brimming them. The word cousin made his stomach lurch again. _Wait, Are you trying to bone my little cousin?_ Eddie nodded slowly, obviously disbelieving but probably not caring enough to say anything. As usual.

“Rich..” he trailed off for a moment, “Are you sure you're okay?” 

He said, “No, Eddie, I’m not fucking okay. I’ve never been okay. And I’ve been waiting for so long for you to ask me this because I need to tell you. You need to know. I need to tell someone what they’ve been doing to me.” But rather, it came out as, “of course Eds, I’m fine. Are you sure _your_ all right?”

Eddie stood up and swallowed, clearly stressed. He mumbled, “Well, you can always talk to me, Rich. I don’t care what people say about you, even if it's true. I won't leave you, and neither would any of the losers. You being a fucking Trashmouth isn’t stopping me.” But Eddie would never say that. He actually just rolled his eyes and whispered, “whatever, dickwad.” 

Maybe, just maybe, Richie was right, and he was about to say something else. But he didn’t get the chance. 

“Moved on so quickly, Tozier?” Eddie turned around on the grass, face going from a deep hue of red to the palest Richie had ever seen as Henry Bowers shoved him to in the stomach.

Eddie stumbled backwards and slid back to the ground in pain, holding the place where he was punched. Richie felt his fists clench.

“Leave him alone, assholes.” He blurted, “What do you even want from us? Did you Dickwads run out of spit to slick back your hair with?” Henry didn’t even acknowledge what either of them had said, just continued. 

“Did you hear me, girly boy?” Richie tried hard not to flinch as Eddie looked up at him, attempting to meet his eye. This time, he actually thought he was going to throw up. “I asked why you’ve moved on so quickly.” 

“Don't know what you mean.” He said quietly for once in his life, managing a small shrug. Even Richie was confused at himself for acting so out of character. 

“Oh, but Richie, I think you might.” Henry was getting much too close to him now, and Richie could see Eddie squirming from his place on the ground. “You see, boys.” He turned to Belch and Vic, “I don't think my cousin was enough, no.” 

Richie looked away from Bowers, and finally met Eddie's small, innocent eyes. He was clearly in immense confusion, his brow furrowed.

“Rich, what-”

“Oh, I see what's going on. Our lucky Kaspbrak over here doesn’t know.” Richie shrunk back into the bench. Eddie couldn't know. Then again, he probably already did. 

“No, don't,” He heard his voice, and was repulsed with how much it resembled a dog whimpering. “Please don't tell him, it's not anything-” 

“You see, Eddie.” Bowers wasn’t listening to him anymore, instead he was towering over Eddie, who looked more like a mouse about to be torn to shreds by a cat then he did a boy. “Not only is your stalker over here a little pervert.” Richie was inching away now, hoping he could escape before he heard the last few words. But he couldn’t leave Eddie with Bowers. 

“But hes also a fag.” Eddie visibly flinched, cowering even lower to the ground. “And clearly, a whore.” Richie hadn’t realized he had been crying. 

“He’s lying, Eddie. They say that about everyone, you know them. I would never, I’m not like that. I don’t… that's not true.” For a moment, Eddie was staring at him again, gaze lingering for longer then it should have. They looked at each other for a moment, but not really. Neither of them _really_ saw each other. At least not as much as they should have. “You know that’s not true, Eds. I would never be like that.” And in both of their minds, as their eyes stayed locked, the same words were echoing. Over and over, the two boys knew the answer.

_Liar_

“FUCKING LIAR!” fists were slammed into Richie’s stomach before he could even open his mouth. The only thing that could escape his lips was a scream. 

“Stop it!” Eddie yelled from the ground, but he was muffled by the sounds of endless punches meeting Richie's face as he clung to the park bench, almost like it was a person. Almost like it was Eddie. 

Then, someone was carrying him away, and for a moment it was peaceful, and he thought it might end. Then it wasn't, and he was being dragged down a hill. Over stones. 

BAM.

His face hit something so hard, he thought it was a rock. 

He thought he was dead. 

He screamed, but all that his throat was met with was water. He screamed again. 

Then he hit the air with a gasp, and he could feel the water pouring from his mouth and nose for a second, before he was drowning in it again. The next time up, he couldn’t tell if it was blood. 

Over and over, each time a reminder of how endless it all was. Of how it would never, ever stop even if he left derry. Even if he never told a single soul, not even his best friends. Some way, people would find out. Eddie would find out.

“Stop it!” 

“Want to watch your fucking boyfriend, or wanna join him?” He heard Vic say, and realized he was no longer being dunked. He was soaking wet and curled on the rock at the river's edge. 

“Just leave us alone.” Eddie emphasised the word us. As if _he_ was the one being humiliated.

“Oh, I will. I just haven't decided what word to use.” He heard a thump and figured Eddie was being pinned down. 

“Stop it,” Richie Croaked.

“Oh, it’s not your little Eds you have to worry about right now, Tozier.” The dread that filled Richie’s stomach when he heard the flick of a swiss army knife being opened, was still no match to what he had felt at the arcade. “Think of it as a tattoo. A branding, one might call it.” He heard Eddie let out a sob. 

“And, Tozier,” Richie felt his chin being lifted, so gently he thought it could have been someone else. “You're going to feel all of it.” with a slam that left his head back on the rock, he was shoved back again. 

Richie didn’t even hear his own screams echoing through the woods, he was silent. But he could _feel_ it. “Every.” The pinching blade reopening layers of skin over and over. “Last.” For a moment Richie could mistake it as the worst thing he had ever felt in his life. “Fucking.” But then he remembered IT. “letter.” And nothing was as bad at that.

Richie could have been crazy, but he heard absolutely nothing. Not even Eddie crying beside him. It was quiet. 

For a long, long time, it was quiet. 

“Finished, boys.” Bowers said lightly. _Lightly._ As if he hadn't just carved something into Richie’s flesh, something that he would never be able to wash off. “Your first tattoo, girly boy.” Richie couldn't move his head, but he knew after a few minutes, that they were gone. 

Time passed by. Richie was an idiot, of course he had expected Eddie to crawl over and hold him, let him cry somewhere that wasn't alone under the stars, long after Conner had left. Somewhere nobody would care enough to go looking for them. Of course he expected Eddie to hold his glasses for him while he wiped his eyes, and then help him home. Maybe he would stay the night. He’d make up some dumb excuse for Richie to use about why he was limping. Then they could go back to the arcade the next day and play Street Fighter, and Richie would forget all about IT. 

But of course he was wrong. Of course. Eddie didn’t move. He could hear him crying, but it could have been the stream beside them. Richie wondered if he had left. Maybe Bowers had taken him.

Then he heard heavy breathing, and the sound of Eddie’s inhaler. 

“Richie.” He couldn’t move. “you need to get home.” His mouth was still sealed shut, tight from screaming into the water. He said nothing. “Richie, please, your fucking scaring me.”

“ _You're_ scared?” 

“Oh, thank god. Now get up, I need to be home soon or my mom will-’

“ _You're_ fucking scared, Eds?” 

“Im sorry, Rich, I just thought I was going to need to get Stan or something…” The endless words he could say, the ones he really _needed_ to say, didn’t want to come out. He didn’t want them to either.

“I'm moving, you idiot.” He looked away as he wobbled to a standing position, careful that Eddie wouldn’t see how disheveled he looked. Eddie looked away too. “I think your mom would be pretty disappointed too if I wasn’t home in time.”

“Ugh, just shut up Richie.” Eddie laughed. It didn’t even sound like it was to cover any real, raw emotion. He was actually laughing. 

“Eds…” The other boy turned, and shut his mouth as it quickly sprung open. Richie probably looked pretty bad. 

“What?” _What?_ Maybe he was wrong. Maybe Eddie was just like Conner, just like Henry, just like everyone in Derry. Maybe all of his friends were worse then them, but they just didn’t have the same chances. They never had the option to say something like that to Richie. But what if that's what they had all been thinking? What if _Eddie_ had been in the arcade that day.

“Richie?” They both turned weakly to see Stan and Bill, looking over the edge of the bridge. It was that moment Richie’s legs found it most convenient to stop working, and he fell to the ground. He heard Eddie let out a gasp. 

“E-E-Eddie! Help h-him!” Bill was yelling as their two other friends clambered down the hill towards them.

“Okay, okay, Jesus Christ. I am.” He could practically hear Eddie’s heart racing, and knew he was reaching for his inhaler. He touched Richie's shoulder, but that was all. “Rich,” Richie took this moment to look up at him. The sun danced, giving his dark hair golden whisps. Even when he was frowning, the slightest of dimples always appeared. “Richie, I’m here.”

_Liar._

“No, Eds.” Richie winced as he shrugged away from the other boy. “No, you aren’t.” It was then that Stan and Bill reached them. And at least for now, they didn’t ask either of them questions. All they did was lift him up, and move him slowly towards their bikes. 

He felt the wind on his bruised body as they glided over pavement, back to Richie’s house. Not knowing why, he pressed his face into Bill’s back, and cried quietly as the brightness of the sky flew past them. It wasn’t ugly, reckless sobs like at the river. It was just soft, sparkling tears that ran silently down his face and were blown away almost within the same second they were shed. 

And as he turned his face, he made sure Eddie saw them.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie doesn't know how to handle what just happened, so he goes to the only place he knows he wont get hurt. But maybe he doesn't know anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Internalized h*mophobia(mentioned), use of the f slur (not in conversation or out loud), and problems with trauma/confusion about mental health. This chapter doesn't have any violence at all, but mentions wounds and thoughts about past violence. 
> 
> Also Stan uses they/them so pls dont misgender my baby in the comments even if thats not your headcanon for them and ily guys <3

Why he was going back, he had no idea. 

Richie had been lying awake for what felt like hours, waiting for the small tap on his window. Waiting for the tiny boy to scramble in, hiding his giggle with a scowl. But his window stayed shut. All he could feel was his skin being ripped over and over, words permanently being etched there.

That was until he couldn’t take it. He Hastily hopped down from his window and landed in the wet grass below. The walk to Eddie’s house was short, but seemed longer, limping in the dead of night. 

He knew exactly how to reach his best friend's window, he had since they were ten. He clambered onto the trash can, making sure he made enough noise so that he could know Richie was there but his mom would never know to look out one of the windows. 

He hated himself for going back, even with how scared of Eddie he now was. But then again, he hated himself for a lot of things. 

_Tap. Tap._

He waited a few seconds for the window to be slowly drawn open and a familiar angry whisper to sound.

“What the fuck are you doing here, Tozier?” Richie contemplated being honest for a second.

He just shrugged, grinning “Couldn’t sleep, so I thought, what better way to entertain myself then botherin' my stepson!” Eddie didn’t react.

“At 2:00 am?” He just shrugged again. Why was Eddie acting weird? Shouldn’t Richie be the one with an excuse to push the other away? He had no idea why he would be treating him differently.

_Liar._

“I can leave.” He suggested, taking his elbows off of the wide window frame. Eddies brow furrowed,

“No, it's okay Rich.” Richie didn’t give him a chance to take it back, and hopped up, sitting on the sill of the window, ignoring the searing pain in his leg. He felt Eddie climb up next to him, and squirmed uncomfortably as they were pressed against each other, shoulder to shoulder, elbow to elbow, knee to knee. 

“Why are we out here?”

“Because you’ll kill me if I smoke in your room.” Eddie gasped as he saw the pack of camels Richie was taking out of his pocket. 

“Don't you dare-” his words were lost as he made a grab at the cigarettes,

“Stop it, Eds!” Richie teased dramatically, trying to push the smaller boy away and laughing dangerously loud, “you’ll drop them and they'll blow up your house!” 

“Don't fucking call me Eds. And that's not even how it works, moron.” 

“Don't know until you try-”

“Don't even think about it-”

Richie quickly won the wrestle, snatching them back and grinning stupidly. “Compromise. You let me keep them even though I already won, and I lend you a smoke.” 

“What!?” Eddie looked furious. “No way am I even going near one of those things. You're lucky I'm still sitting next to you. Even one intake of BREATH could lead to serious and long lasting effects from damage to my lungs. Do you think I want to walk around with one of those holes in my throat like chainsmokers have?” 

“Common, Spaghetti.” Richie waved the lit cigarette around in front of him, “peer pressureee” He drawled the words sarcastically, “don't you want to be cool?” Eddie huffed, but they both knew how much he wanted to smile. Richie still didn’t want to smile. 

It was quiet for a bit after that. In the silence, much to both of their surprises, Eddie would reach over and take the cigarette, sometimes choking on the smoke a little, before handing it back 

“I have to go to bed.” Richie rolled his eyes,

“Well, me too. Good thing my room is just down the hall. Mrs. K will be waiting patiently for me!”

“Shut up.” Eddie slapped his arm, hard.

“Ow! Who would think my tiny Eds could actually pack a punch."

"Fucking trashmouth." 

"If I’m trash, I guess you're a racoon.”

"Thats disgusting Richie."

Richie smirked, "That's just my game, Eds." 

“But really, my mom will be mad if I’m super tired tomorrow.”

“Dude, is already like 3 in the morning. I think it's a little too late to be worried about the time. And Sonia's always mad.”

“Why, do you want to sleep over?” Richie looked away quickly, swallowing the panic that was rising up his throat like bile. They did this all the time. They were best friends, so it wouldn’t be weird or anything like that. 

“I guess.” He shrugged, letting out a puff of smoke. “I don't really have the energy to walk home. Plus I think I’m kinda high…” he trailed off, leaning on the window frame for support, rather then Eddie’s shoulder like he usually would. 

“Of course. Because being high is a great reason for you to stay over in the same house as a hypochondriac. Your a fucking idiot.” Eddie climbed down, Richie following after he had put out his cig and tossed it in the trashcan below them. They closed the window behind them.

Richie fell back onto the bed dramatically.

“Your mom will be so disappointed that she missed me.” 

“Won't.” 

“She totally will.” 

“I’m not going to say won't.”

“Ok, Eduardo.” He tilted his head to look at Eddie, “Do you want me to sleep on the floor, or..” 

“What?” 

“Nevermind.” he shrugged again, and they slipped under the covers, immediately feeling exhausted. Richie stared up at the ceiling, his mind going to shit. As usual. He was about to turn away, so their backs were pressed together, when he felt Eddie move closer. 

“Rich,” was all he whispered into the darkness. 

For a moment, Richie was actually scared. He hated being touched. 

But this was different. “Eds?” Like magnets, their hands found each other. This was safe, in the darkness of Eddie’s room, where neither of them could see the others eyes, or their terrified expressions. Where they would both pretend to forget about it. About each other. 

Richie knew he could never forget Eddie. 

But at the same time, something in him decided that he wished he could. 

As they lay there falling asleep to the sound of the other breathing, Richie tried to process what was happening to him. He had been humiliated by someone he thought cared about him, hate crimed, and nearly drowned. Not to mention his best friend was acting like none of it had ever actually happened. But here he was, going along with it just like Eddie. And now Eddie was.. What? Sharing a bed with him? Holding his fucking hand? Wouldn’t he be weirded out by that after knowing? 

Then it hit him.

“Oh.”

Eddie didn’t know. The dumbfuck was completely clueless. 

He felt the person next to him let go of his hand. “What?” 

“Nothing, Eds.” 

A pause.

“I don't, you know.” Richie froze, had he said all of that out loud?

“You don't what, Eds?” 

“I don’t believe them. Bowers, and that thing about his cousin or whatever. I dont think your… like that. You don't have to worry. None of the other losers do either.” Richie didn’t say anything back. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t speak. 

He felt the tears before he knew what they were.

“Okay, Eds.” was all he managed to whisper.

And even after the other boy was peacefully asleep, Richie kept crying, as silently as he could. 

Because maybe he had been wrong the whole time. Maybe Connor wasn't IT. Maybe it had never been Henry, or Sonia Kasbrak, or Connor, or his parents. Maybe it wasn't Derry, wasn’t the arcade, wasn’t the hate that lived in the tiny town. 

Maybe it was Eddie.

\--------------------

He wasn’t sure he ever stopped crying, but he must have, because the next thing he knew he was being woken up by the pain in his leg. 

“Fuck.” Richie jolted up, shoving the covers away to reveal his wound. It was disgusting. Not just because it was swollen up and turning purple, but because you could very clearly see the word ‘F A G G O T’ etched into his skin.

“Let me see it.” A familiar demand came from across the room. Richie immediately hid his leg as Eddie approached, eyes narrowed as he closed the door to his bathroom behind him. Quickly, Eddie shoved something orange back into his pocket. 

“It's okay, my fine sir. It’ll probably be healed up by tomorrow.” Eddie scoffed, dumping a pile of bandages and medical supplies in front of him on the bed. 

“Moron. Those kinds of cuts take weeks to heal.”

“Seriously, I’m okay. I'll be fine.”

“I can't believe someone this stupid is in my room right now.” Richie decided to take it as a compliment,

“I’m honored that you're glad to have me in your room, Eds.”

“That's not what I fucking said.”

“Be nice to me, Spaghetti,” He swooned, grinning even wider, “I’m injured.”

“Then let me fucking see your injury.” Richie anxiously fidgeted with the blankets, not wanting to let Eddie see what was now permanently engraved in his skin. But what worse could he think of him anyways?

“Only because you're so cute.” Gingerly, Richie uncovered the wound and looked away, not wanting to see the expression that went with Eddie’s intake of breath.

“What the fuck, chee?” Richie just shrugged,

“See, it's like I said. It will heal-” Suddenly, Richie was being hugged. For the first time in for so long, someone was hugging him. Thinking about it, he couldn’t remember the last time he had been touched like this, especially by Eddie. 

He could feel Eddie’s hands shaking on his back as he quickly drew away, looking at the wound, terrified. "I can't believe they did this to you." Immediately, Eddie started applying ointment and cleaning it off. 

“I’ll owe you one, Dr. K.” 

“No you won't, Rich. You don’t owe me shit.” 

“Whatever you say, Spaghetti hea-” Richie winced as a bandage was wrapped around his leg. “Be careful with me Eds, I need both my legs.”

“Then stop squirming, bitch.” Richie couldn’t help but laugh, watching Eddie as he continued to carefully wrap the wound. “Rich, I invited Stan and Bill over.” Richie’s eyes wided, and he pushed eddie away from him.

“Why would you do that?”

“What? They already know that Henry hurt you, I figured you’d want to..” Eddie knew him well enough to be fully aware he definitely didn’t want to _talk_ about anything. “I don't know, just hang out or something. Maybe we can go to the arcade.” Richie tried not to flinch.

“Nah, ol Tozier is getting tired of street fighter. I’m too good at it to be phased anymore.”

“Okay, well, they’re coming over right now.”

Richie looked down, “Oh.”

“I can tell them not to. I don't know why you wouldn’t want to see them.” Richie didn’t say anything. He could feel himself wanting to cry again.

“EDDIE BEAR!” the two boys jumped, both of their eyes wide with panic.

“Get in the closet.” 

“What the fuck Eds?”

“Get in the fucking closet, Tozier,” 

“I’m not-” There was a knock on Eddie’s door,

“Eddie?” Richie tried not to notice how Eddie flinched at his mother's voice, “Why is your door locked, sweetie?” Eddie held his finger over his lips as if to say _dont make a fucking sound, Tozier_.

“Sorry, uh…” Richie smiled at the blush on Eddie’s cheeks. “...mommy. I didn’t mean to.” 

“Alright, well, your friends are outside.” 

“Can you send them up?”

“Have you taken your medicine this morning?”

“Yes, mommy.” Richie remembered noticing how Eddie had shoved something back into his pocket when he had come out of the bathroom. “I promise we won't do anything dangerous.” 

“Well, at least that Tozier boy isn’t here.” Richie giggled, only for a pillow to be shoved directly in his face. He tried not to laugh as he was shoved onto the floor with a small thud. “Eddie bear? Are you alright?” Eddie was clearly hiding a smirk, still muffling Richie’s giggles with a pillow. 

“I just dropped my lamp! Can you send my friends up now?” Sonia’s descending footsteps and the sound of a door opening downstairs moments later was their response. 

Richie burst into laughter, shoving the pillow out of his face, “You fucking asshole. My mom almost heard you.”

“I’m sorry, Eds,” He layed back on the floor, still giggling, “but fuck your mom. That was hilarious.” Eddie raised an eyebrow,

“Not literally?”

“No, not literally. I just fucking hate her.” 

“She’s not that bad, Rich. She just doesn't know how to help me. And you guys just have some weird hate for each other.”

“She’s a bitch.” 

“Dont fucking start on-”

“Eddie,” Richie sat up, no longer laughing. 

"What?" 

“You told me you stopped taking those bullshit pills.” Before either of them got a chance to say anything else, the door burst open. 

“RICHIE!” Richie was immediately stampeded by both Bill and Stan, who enveloped him in bone crushing hugs. He shoved them back immediately, trying to shake away the terror that had overcome him. He didn't understand why he hated being touched so much. Or why he hated the fact that his friends were giving him attention, when it usually was the one thing he wanted. 

“What the fuck happened yesterday, Eddie?” they were now sitting down on the floor around Richie, exchanging worried glances with each other that made him sick. 

Eddie shrugged. “Just Bowers.”

“ _Just_ Henry Bowers? What the fuck does that mean?” Stan was glaring at Eddie now, “What did he do?” Eddie was looking away. Bill put a hand on Stans shoulder, as if to hold them back.

“Ok-kay,” He started, “do either o-of you guys want t-t-to tell us what happened?”

“What is there to tell? Bowers beat the shit out of me after he called me um…” Richie looked back at his feet, “...some stuff. In the arcade.” He knew Eddie’s eyes were widening as he realized why Richie didn’t want to play street fighter anymore. “And then he fucked up my leg.”

“W-what about Eddie?” 

“I’m fine. I think it’s um, because of these weird things he thought about Richie but not about me.” Richie’s face was turning hot as he tried not to listen to what they were saying. 

“What?” Stan sounded furious. 

“E-E-Eddie, what do you mean? What w-weird things?” Bill translated. 

“I don't know, just some shit about his cousin Connor or something. He kept calling him stuff like-”

Richie stood up, not wanting to hear the rest.

“I need to wash my face.” he gestured to the blood he had forgotten to wash off the night before. Eddie rolled his eyes.

“Let me do that for you, your just going to fuck it up even more.” 

“Nothing could do damage to this perfect face,” he swiftly crossed the room to Eddie’s bathroom, “I’m untouchable.” 

Stan scoffed, “Liar.” Richie felt a pang in his chest, but said nothing. The door to Eddie’s bathroom slammed behind him, and he almost immediately broke down. 

If someone were to see Richie, a skinny, shivering boy, sobbing silently on the floor of his best friends bathroom, they would look away. 

And that's what he wanted to do. 

To look away. He never wanted to have to look at Eddie again.

It was pathetic, that he had to be silent. That he couldn’t even _cry_ properly because he didn’t want his friends to hear him. It was pathetic that he hated being alone, because of how terrifying it was, but he also hated being with people. Because that meant they were going to touch him. And any physical contact made him feel like vomiting, because, other then all of the times he and Eddie accidentally brush hands, or the quick hugs from his friends, the only touch Richie has in his frame of reference came from terrible experiences. 

It was then that he realized the door was being shut, and someone was slowly kneeling in front of him. He refused to look up, just kept hugging his knees. 

“I’m so sorry.” His chin was being lifted. Only then did he move, pushing Eddie’s hands away from his face. 

“Stop it.” He whispered, finally looking up. “What the fuck are you doing?” 

“I don't know, Rich.” His eyes were solemn and genuine, as if he was actually confused. As if he didn’t know exactly what he was doing to Richie. Did he?

The other boy moved so he was right next to him, back against the wall. He still didn’t touch him yet, which Richie was thankful for. 

“That's why you didn’t want to go back to the arcade.” Eddie didn’t say it like it was a question. 

Richie laughed, “yeah, eds, that's why I didn’t want to go back to the fucking arcade.” He let go of his knees and leaned back against the wall. His legs extended out so much farther then Eddie’s that normally, Richie would have made fun of his height for it.

“I’m not mad at you, Eds.”

“You're scared of me.” 

“I’m scared of everything.” He breathed, looking up at the ceiling.

“But we’re supposed to be scared together.” He moved closer, making Richie suck in a breath. “Not of each other.” 

“Sorry.” 

“Don’t fucking apologize, Rich.” Richie almost said sorry again. 

Eddie turned to look at him, so their faces were much too close. “Can I touch you?” Richie just nodded, not bothering to hide his tears from Eddie.

And as Eddie wrapped his arms around him, it was just like Henry Bowers had said. He felt all of it. “Eds, I’m sorry. He's right." It was all going to fuck itself up now. But Richie didn't care. "Hes fucking right.” And that was it. He let himself cry, let himself lean into the other boy. “He’s right about everything, Eddie.” Eddie didn’t say anything, but he never let go. “I’m so sorry.” If he could change, he would. He would take all the pills in the fucking world if they would stop him, stop this, stop Eddie. He would let Henry carve words into him, let himself drown forever, if it meant this would end. If it meant that IT could finally be over. If he could just be fucking normal. He would relive the entire summer he spent with connor, the humiliation that came in the arcade, if it just meant that it would stop. But right now, his mind wasn’t even on that. He wasn’t even thinking anymore, not completely. Because he was trying to pinpoint the exact moment in time, the exact day, the exact second, that he had fallen in love with Eddie Kasbrak. And because he thinks he might be doing it all over again right now, as he falls apart on the floor of his bathroom, in his arms. 

“Eds,” He sniffed, his entire face wet with tears, “I need you.” Eddie turned to him again, pushing the messy tangle of brown hair that had fallen in front of Richie's glasses. 

“I’m right here.” And it didn’t sound like he was lying this time. “I promise.” And Richie did it.

He believed him. 

The door swung open, “Eddie your mom-” Stan froze. “Fuck.” 

Richie felt Eddie shoving him away, heard Stan trying to struggle for words as Bill asked what was going on from behind them. He felt himself unable to breath, with nothing to hold onto now that Eddie had let go. _He promised_. 

“Sorry. I’ll just,” Stan was about to close the door, when Eddie interrupted them, standing up. 

“No, it’s fine Stan. I was just helping Rich, he can’t clean his own fucking wounds.” Stan looked unconvinced, and Richie still couldn’t breathe, “It’s nothing, Stan. Now get the fuck up, Rich.” Eddie stood up and followed Stan out of the room, leaving Richie on the floor. Leaving Richie. Of course he was. _It’s nothing, Stan._

_Liar._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Richie WILL be happy I promise, Eddie is just being a bitch rn. I wrote this all in one night because I'm dumb and I dont sleep lmfao. I also want you guys to know this fic wont just be a continued work in progress, there will be an end but it's going to be super long and slow burn. It will take a while before Reddie is an established relationship but I stg it will happen and there will be closure. My goal is for this whole thing to be at least 20 chapters long, and 20000 words at a minimum. 
> 
> Also, I found this short Reddie animation thing on my recommended on youtube, and I ugly cried over it for like 2 hours yesterday. It might have been worse then atyd, but I dont think thats possible. Anyways if your a dumb gay like me and want to cry about fictional characters when your bored, look up IDK you yet Reddie on youtube and it's the first thing that comes up. You dont even have to like it but its great to support the artist and like the video or subscribe (they have other Reddie things I think). So yeah tysm for reading and I hope this chapter was good and didn't trigger anything :)

**Author's Note:**

> I will be putting content warnings, and remember to always check if your reading a new chapter because i really don't want to trigger anything :)  
> I just want to say I don't condemn anything Eddie does. I think how hes treating the situation, regardless of his trauma, is terrible and there's literally no excuse for it irl. He will unlearn what he has internalized and there will be closure, I promise it wont be like the movies. How Eddie is reacting is terrible, i dont care if he is in love with Rich or going through the same things.


End file.
